Not sure how...

I may have just found the perfect internship. It's unpaid, but it's local and it'll provide me with lots of opportunities. So we'll see how this goes.

Easier said than done.

So after the interview process, I found out today that I did not get the visual merchandising job I was hoping to get. This throws me back to square one. It is so hard getting thrown back to square one, or well I suppose I'm more at square three.

The good news is the more I talk to people, the more I realize everyone feels the same way I do. Even the people who live on their own. No one knows what they want to do and it seems like it's very rare to have people who love what they do every day and not constantly working towards something else. This is comforting.

I think another thing that is hard is to keep from settling. I can't keep living the way I do, here, in the house I grew up in. I'm starting to get comfortable again, and I think it is very important to always be on your toes. You always must be doing things you don't necessarily want to ultimately get where you want to be. For example, taxes. I don't want to do my taxes, but apparently it's important for me to do so. Same goes with sketching, and keeping up with current trends and my love for fashion. I can't just give up b/c I'm doing merchandising now. People love what I've created in the past. They love it! Now I just need to harness it and figure out what to do with it. There must be a reason I'm having no luck with getting these jobs I want. Maybe I'm just being really optimistic right now, any maybe I'm being optimistic because I have to be, however, I feel like if I was meant to get the job, I would get it. I think there is a greater power that helping me find my way. Everything definitely happens for a reason, I just haven't figure out what it is yet.

Almost everyone I'm friends with is going through a post-grad crisis. I'm starting to realize that's okay, as long as you don't get swept up in it. Keep everything you learn as you make your way through life. Never forget it. Especially all the Yugoslavian countries that could help you win Trivia Night. *shrug*

PS. I'm officially 23 now. Hooray! One year closer to whatever it is I'm supposed to be getting closer to. :)

Update.

I've been working at the department store job for 5 months now. The end of February will bring my career with this store to 6 months... HALF A YEAR! Whew. In that time, the original assistant manager from when I started got promoted to the same department manager at a different store. We got a new assistant manager. My manager, you know, the one who hired me, the one who I was expecting to work with, left. Spent a lot of holiday without a manager. Found a new manager. And now we are up to date. I've also probably spent close to $2000 in clothes... all of which I am wearing now except my socks.

I love the girls I work with; they are part of the reason I keep going to work every day. I love working with the customers, especially the teens, twenties, and the moms. However, I hate selling. I've never liked it. I may be good at it, sometimes, but I just don't like doing it. I feel like my department is falling apart, kinda, sorta.

However, there is a bright side. I just applied for a visual merchandising position at the same store but a different mall. I would LOVE this job if I got it. The only downside is my current job is only 20 mins away from my house, and this new job will be about an hour at the minimum... especially with rush hour traffic. The plus side is support doesn't work weekends anddd I wouldn't be selling anymore. You have no idea how much I want to get this job. Also, if I get this job, I'm going to work my butt off to move out. I want to move out so bad.

Soooo, moral of the story. I want a lot of things and I apparently don't really like what I have.

Another interesting tidbit, I've been dating someone for a little over six months. I feel like I finally chased someone hard enough that he gave up and let me have him... lol.

One thing that I find fascinating is that I'm starting to realize that your 20s are for trying new things. Never, never, never give up. Especially now. If people who are in their 40s and 50s can start over fresh, what is stopping me? I live with my parents. I don't have a rental contract or own anything of serious value. I don't have kids. I don't even have a dog. I'm also starting to realize that no one my age knows what they want, when they want, how they want it, or even what they are going to do tomorrow, per say. I don't want to say people my age aren't happy. I'm just trying to say that your 20s are a HUGE transition time. You have to do what's best for you, now. You can't worry about the future. You have to focus on the now. Right now, I want to make money, so I guess I'll keep going to work. But these next two days off are going to be awesomeeee.